My passion for the arts is so strong it makes me feel like nothing else can. I’m in love.

Wish I lived in a world with out violence and hatred and disgusting actions and feelings. Somewhere where everyone was happy and positive and we could just celebrate life. Together. Somewhere where everyone was treated equally regardless of race, gender, fuck even species. But no I’m stuck here.. A world sucked in with so much bad and evil.. It makes it hard to stay positive sometimes.

Ugh I wish I had a chance with you. I would treat you so good..

Well on the bright side I won $20,000 in scholarships and grants for ASU next year aka almost a full ride!! Very excited for my future and this opportunity.

It took a trip for me to realize I should appreciate every moment and the beauty around me instead of worrying about what is coming next; just to be happy with life and what I have. Soo beyond grateful to have had the experience because I am happier than ever.

Never thought someone could make me so happy.. He was right in front of me all along.

I need to move onto the next chapter of my life; without you. I must make my mind stronger so I can have enough strength to push you away. Even if it takes baby steps, I will delete you. Every memory, every touch, every kiss… I just really hate this feeling and I’ve decided I’m done. Fuck you and have a nice life.

It’s so odd that someone can look at someone else and the things they have in their life and think that person is so lucky. Then the person with the “perfect” life really feels sad and alone inside just like the person who was judging them. I think if people were more open with each other and weren’t afraid to speak their minds there would be a lot less problems in the world. About the nice things though, like saying someone looks nice that day or they love something about how they act. Little things like that can make someone’s whole day better. If people weren’t so afraid of others opinions there would be so many good relationships. The truth and honesty can go a long way. People should encourage others to be kind to the ones around them because there is just so much unhappiness in the world. The least we could do for each other is act as a source of comfort, be someone’s light when they are in a dark place. I don’t know man that’s just what I think.

I don’t want to be so dependent on one person but I’m only truly happy when I’m with you.. I just want you to love me so I can feel ok again.. But you’ll never love me. I’ll never be ok. I’m just on a slow, downward spiral in my life. Everything has become too much for me to handle. I think about all the ways I could end myself.. How easy it all can be. Maybe some people will miss me but they’ll forget eventually.. I’m tired of living when my life means nothing. I have nothing to be proud of, no talent.. No potential. Trying to pretend I’m happy has gotten old after all these years.. I just want to end this madness once and for all.

After I few near death experiences in these past couple weeks, I have realized I have become numb. I no longer care whether I am alive and well, or dead and rotting in the ground. Death would be an escape and I really wouldn’t mind if it were to happen to me.